I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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