We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
