If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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