Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
