he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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