Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
