If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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