girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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