Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
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