From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
