apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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