I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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