Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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