Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I want to fling myself into the sun
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
