i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
it was like eating out sand paper
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
