He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
they're like a gay fantastic four
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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