Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
