Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
