I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
