Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just threw up on my dentist
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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