I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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