thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
