So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm getting married
To pizza
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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