census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
