You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
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I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
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When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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