Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
