I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
