After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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