Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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