Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
