K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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