We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
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dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
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Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed