she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.