just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.