I cannot find my penis.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
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My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
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I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick