There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
