I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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