We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
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I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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