Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
