ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
