Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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