i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
