My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
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every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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