That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
