i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
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