Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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