Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
