it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
