her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I am never drinking with the goths again.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize