when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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