Only a mothe r could love this liver
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
