the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
