They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
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