just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
