He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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