I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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