Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize