i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
It's just like the Real World with babies
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
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He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
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But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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