No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
