what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
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If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
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I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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