Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
