a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
