just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
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the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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