she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
