Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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