I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
