he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
