Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
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