I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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