He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
His nipple licking is glorious
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