like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
