it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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