We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
