Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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