it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
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Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
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Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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