The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
