wake up i wanna do it froggy style
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
