Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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